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I am kinda feeling tired but going really really



Crazy!!!!!

Cranky in a kinda good way! However, I dun understand why MNTS has to organise some really really stupid "Amazing Race" thingie in Orchard!!!! So hot and so lame! Gosh! I have not walked so much up and down in Orchard, just to make me hate the place now! Think I would not be going into town for some time! Yikes! Had to wake up like so early just to head down to Botanical Gardens! Sianz! I was like dead tired and I could not be bothered! Was just kinda lame?



There! Looking all miserable, ugly and FAT!!!! I realise I have put on weight again! Oh No!!!! I feel damn sad now! No more eating of 3 meals a day! Just 1 will suffice! Hmmm, I am sure I can make it!

Well, the entire thing ended like at about 3 and had to shop for XO's bdae present! It was so difficult thinking what to get for him! Well, tot I would get a watch, but CO said it is too personal, asked me to buy "Mambo" T-shirts for him! Gosh, that is more personal aint it! Grrr.... Well, had a hard time, till another Officer told me to get him a wallet! Well, that sounds more like it aint it! So walked and walked back in town and finally, Mont Blanc! Yupz, I like it (big hint, i would love mont blanc for my bdae too, eh, thinking twice, I think a Car would be betta ::grinz::) Ya, look pretty simple, but I guess, one hafta pay for the brand! So here it is, just tt the one I got is a black one!



Yupz, eh, I am in a cranky but good mood now! Awww.... Lemme have a sweet dream tonight!

-ciaoz-

Another week just passed with 2 days spent in Changi being on course. Ya, which left me with a badly sprained ankle till now! Its still swollen! :'( sigh. Anyway, I do miss the ship's officers quite abit, except for 1 i guess. Well, i thought when 1 left, I would not get like another horrible one, but lo and behold, I got another horrible 1! 1 that I dun like! This aint good, i should not be so judgemental, but I guess that is the way life is!

Some other incident which I cannot label here due to its sensitivity, but i must say that it is a once in a lifetime thingie! And to witness it upfront and personal, its kinda scary! Haha!

Went out last night with some of the ship guys cos I was forced by my OpsO! Sigh, i guess sometimes, there would be some people that you respect alot and would listen to them! But I for one, do respect Officers who deserve respect. But respecting them do not mean always behaving like a disciplined person in front of them, watching wad you say and do! Cos I aint like that! I guess there is always a time and place for everything. So, oh well!

Zouk was horrible! :( it was so damn packed! Thank god i aint much of a clubber anymore! Haha! But I met Lanny and Gerald after so long la! I missed em so much! Its good, but its kinda weird going to zouk with a sprained ankle? Haha!



Lanny! So pretty right! Now a stewardess! :P



Gerald! He was damn crazy last night! More naggy den me!

Emtional issues at hand, but i guess I should not be writing about it today! But I still miss my crush alot! Haha! But the bad news, i guess it is not reciprocated! Oh well! Cest La Vie!

-bleeding-

A poem I wrote whilst onboard. Sometimes, the inspiration just comes in the middle of the night. Well, that is when the tears form as well, oh well

The sound of waves
The crashing of hearts
The illumination of skies
Lighted by an everlasting bloom

The bloom of flowers
Shades of rainbow in hue
To liken it to a pot of gold
A treasure you are to me

Priceless it is
An invaluable exprience you gave
of one that never ends
Forever it will remain

-bleeding-

Getting more tired as the day passes. Its getting kinda low on motivations in everything. Sigh.... Shipboard life aint getting any interesting. No interesting characters to keep everything going. I hate to always be the one trying to make life interesting. It used to be extremely motivating to go to ship, perform duties as an OOD, but these days, there seems to be nothing. Oh well!

Christina been getting prettier and bustier! Yeah baby! Kinda cool. Love her new look if there was one in the first place. Rather, she looks good in wadeva looks she wears. Its so nice to write stuff for your beau. Just like always wishing there was someone writing poems for you or songs for you. Seems like I am always the one writing these for others. Haha....

Lame excuses
Vile commotions
An evilness exudes in you
A change so drastic
Scares even a fierce tigress

Tame have you made me
A complete change I observe
To say unforgettable
A pronoun too mild to use
A mind of labyrinth

A gift were those days
A gift of gold, riches and comfort
Bare do I stand
Naked do i bear
A pain much indescribable

Please let me be...

Things seems incomplete these days.... I cant bear thinking about what peepz have been telling me about. They seem so untrue, yet so true. The beliefs that I had, was shattered in a moment of lies, scam and coldness. Hmmmm, is this what life is really about? Well, I duno. Well, I hope jokes still maes me laugh. This kinda lame:



Sailing for the next few days. Maybe things may become better. I hope it does I pray!

-ciaoz-

I am so angry and pissed off! EXTREMELY PISSED OFF! I dun feel like going to work tmr! In fact, i dun feel like sailing this whole week! :@ Its a mixed feeling! I cannot be so upset! I aint tt weak! But this is exactly how i look like right now, right this moment! I hope the ship guys wont suffer cos of me! But, I am afraid they would! But I am really really angry! I have not been this angry with a person! GRRRR!!!!!!!! I feel like smashing everything in my room!



-ciaoz-

A week long of sailing... Tired.... Grrr.... Anyway, its been seriously busy and tiring. I so wanna go back to bed. I miss the other AOs who have gone for their cos... ;( just met up with one of them and we had so much to talk. I miss the fun we had in the past onboard. Well, i guess tmr i would be able to see the other guys too.... Its dinner at Akira Rest again! Its good! Cheap A La Carte Japanese Buffet. But too bad i dun eat sashimi. ;)

This week long of sailing has been exhausting and fattening? I have done nothing but eat, keep watches, lil sleep and shit! Grrr..... Few incidences onboard, but kinda hard to type everything out. But with the new CO, he has been particularly helpful towards my naval training, however, the surprises that he springs up on me is scary. Embarassed myself infront of the Midshipmen i think... eeks....

Anyway, a close fren onboard seem to have become damn dao. Ever since his gf returned, i have been chucked to a corner. I guess that is life huh? When his gf aint around, always talking with me and joking around. Now, nothing. Maybe acquaintances now. He cant even be bothered about anything that happens to me. Used to be able to tell when I aint in a good mood, but now, cant even be bothered to say Hi or Bye. (ya, u noe who u are! humph) Guess I am just another hi and bye fren to him i guess.

Anyway, looking forward to tmr. Hope things would be better overall with a brand new day!

-ciaoz-

Ship's Chalet last night! Was a good session I guess. Loads of bonding going on, however, drank too much! Eeeks..... How to down so much beer in a go??? Geez..... Anyway, it was a huge loss.... I brought my vintage adidas jacket with me, but den when I came home, i could not find it..... It is a huge loss la.... More den $300 just disappeared like tt! :( Sigh....

Met up with Diana today! Its nice to catch up with ex classmates.... She is a pretty cool gal... Close classmates tt I can share stuffs with! Haha.... Too bad she finishing her studies soon in Australia, otherwise, we could meet up in Aus.... Sigh! i guess my batch of classmates, I am the only one study in Aus next year! :( Hopefully I can find close frens there as well.... One by one, all my close friends are turning into acquaintances.... This is bad....

Here is Diana...



Grrr.... Look at how fat and ugly I was in the past! Now just as ugly la! haha! Anyway, its been a while since we met up, hopefully more classmates we can meet up soon.... Ppl that I miss in my life.....

Chiat Min



Idris



Weiming



June and Clara



Naz and Nor



Shuyin and all famous Xiaxue



All right, that is about it.... I hope to meet up with all soonz.....

-ciaoz-

Its a horrible feeling. It seems to be getting worse as the hour passes. My mind is just completely filled with emotions, only waiting and always checking my phone. This is not sane! I hate waiting for replies and i appreciate swift replies. I hate ppl ignoring my smses. Especially constantly! I dun understand what the fuck is going on.

I am tired. Every passing day onboard now makes me more and more tired. And I am seeing ppl whom i dun really wanna see. Ppl I wanna see are nowhere to be found, or is just simply giving me the cold shoulder! FUCK! I need a new environment! I am so sick and tired of doing things. Should I go for the ship's chalet den tmr? I dun feel like! So tired.... so very tired.... still fucking awaiting a reply! Why can I never ever get a reply like promptly? Seems like there are others more impt den me! A fucking late reply can just fucking spoil my entire evening program cos I always make good my words. Fucking hate it!

-ciaoz-

I am tired of things suddenly going wrong and whatsoever. Relationships, work, friends and all that jazz.... Its just annoying.... Bloody blog just like did not save the initial entry I wrote... WTF! Anyway, in the midst of the chaos and transition with newer assignments, I seem to have reflected on a few lil stuffs.

I realise that probably I do have an interpersonal skill issue. Maybe not when I am working, cos I seem to get along with the guys onboard ship, however, what upsets me most is my relationship with friends seem to always drift. Especially those whom are close to me. It is hard to always be the one putting in the effort. Maybe, no effort is needed. Probably I am just another silly lil boy to every others around me. It aint just friends, but it seem to apply to affairs of the heart as well. I dun wanna always be the one putting in the effort. Can others do it for once? One by one, all my close friends seem to drift. So are these really called true friends den? Well, I duno I guess.

I thought I have changed since being in Dartmouth, trained from an impetous person, to one who is patient, however, maybe it is just the weather in Singapore that brings forth my moody self, however, recently I have been really tired. Tired of always being the friend there for others, but never others being there for me. Just last week, I could cry onboard my ship without concern from close friends. I feel at a lost. Well, I duno much about what I wanna say, the effort put in for this initial entry is the one that best describes my feeling, however, it was not save. I guess it is fate. A lil poem that I wrote, was lost; leaving me now with no inspiration to try and recall what I wrote. Damn it! I am so tired... It has been a while since anyone made me so jealous. A good feeling probably, but a feeling that condemns me to the core of the earth. One that is able to make me cry almost instantly today. But..... I shall not let anyone hurt me anymore.

I am tired. So tired of trying...

-ciaoz-

A long week spent again. With more activities for the past week, I have been kept away from home for a period of time. The Captain has changed, and I had the "pleasure" of working with another one. Well, I cant say that he is bad, but when working, he is very very serious and is demanding. Well, I guess it is something that cant be helped.

Yet again, more conflicts with peepz that I dun like, well aint really a conflict, but just did not really wanna quarrel. Been telling others about things that he did, cos i think it is pretty unfair to me. Fell sick again this week. this week also saw our sea checks where I felt completely redundant onboard, besides being able to search for directives for the other Officers. I guess, sometimes being the behind the scene guy is good. After which was supposed to go out for dinner, but was not feeling well. Had a fever during our sail, and therefore wanted to go home.

However, ber ended up forcing me to eat at Toa Payoh Swenson, which serves one of the most horrible burger I have every eaten! Grrr.... I felt pretty bad though, cos i was jsut so temperamental during the dinner, and ber had to put up with it. I guess, that is wad frens are for? But then again, Ber did not get me breakfast this morning despite me being on duty last night! Geez...... Well, its the thought that counts? Cos though I am hungry, just have no appetite to eat. Well, if I can wake up early later, den will write some philosophical stuffs. Did some self reflections as well, so just had to pen down my thoughts. A good way to reflect back later in the future on my maturity phase.

-ciaoz-