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September 2010

Favouritism is evil! After spending like loads of money getting a gift back for my batch boys in Singapore who have just passed out, only Mic was being thanked! WATEVA! I seem non existent!

Something happened today and it set me thinking; Do friends really last? Its quite fascinating when u are overseas and you realise how little you can converse with friends back in Singapore. It happened to just not one or two friends, but it happened to many of my friends. Its like you used to be close friends and used to converse alot, but suddenly, after having not talked for like months, you realise that it is so hard to converse.

Many things happened back in Singapore, and you seem to be totally not informed about anything. Is this what one would call friends forever? Or best mates? Or would you even call them acquaintance? So what is the difference between friends and acquaintace? Or what are the category of friends now? In my own opinions:

Friend: Someone to hang out with, eat, drink and make merry.

'Hi-Bye' Friend: Someone who used to be friends but because of some issues, becomes a person whom you see and just say "Hi and Bye"

Acquaintance: Someone you duno anymore, and just say "Hi" at times or would just look and not say anything.

So are there still friends in my life? I duno! I feel maybe it is something i have sacrificed to come to UK in the hope of doing well (which apparently i aint). " I will miss you so much", "Take good care of yourself when you are there", "Call me often ok?"..... and the list goes on.... Are these sincere? Outta so many friends, I have only received like a few whom are really my mates! and the others? Disappeared! Gone to I duno where! Bless em!

Yawnz..... Friends??? :: shakes head :: It leaves me wondering!

-ciaoz-

ok, narcissistic shots again! ACE IS NEXT WEEK! HOW???????????????? Die liaoz!

Ok! here are some pictures! erm, the last event that i was at, at portsmouth, some huge event with the royal family and bull. and also many countries sent their ships over! so here it is!



my new toy! :P



and finally, FAT ME! tell me i put on weight! cos no one believes me! sigh! erm, just being a little narcissistic. dun complain! ugly as usual! sigh

Yay, sprain my ankle again! tts my 2nd time this week! how sweet! ACE is next week! well, the fear is kicking in! well, its summer here by the way, and its like been shivering cold the past week? raining and stuffs! haven seen proper sunshine for like a week! haha

anyway, i think my mood is picking up! nice nice nice! well, anyway, i lost all of cara's smses! grrrr! but she wil always be there! i noe! time to get ready for EXAM! :P

-ciaoz-

To those out there being commissioned today, HAPPY COMMISSIONING SIRS! Not forgetting best mates:

-Sampam
-Victor
-Ah Woo
-Guan Hong
-DeRaj Kumar
-Lek-y
-Mr Loooong
-Henry
-Dar Dar (If you still read)

Congrats!

-ciaoz-

i did basic leadershop development (bld) again. passed it, but aint happy again. missed cara very much, duno why... well, somehow, i duno understand why i aint happy. i guessed i hate being here and i dun seem to enjoy each moment more! if i was in singapore, i would be passing out in 4 days time, and i still dun understand why i subjected myself to this.

i am feeling really unhappy though i try not to. its really hard to be here alone. somehow, its hard to just talk to michael alone and its hard to tell him everything. how i wish people would understand this feeling, but seem like it aint. i seem like a lonesome person here, no friends, prolly one mate from singapore and acquaintances.

i wanna go home!

-out-

long time havent been updating my posts due to reasons! depression still one of them! well, i havent been sleeping well, been having nightmares about doing ACE again. well and another bad news is after next week, i have to do the college exercise again called BLD (basic leadership development). though i did not fail on leadership, i am still required to do it again! sigh, how demoralising this sounds! these thoughts keep haunting my mind even though i wanna just go through it normally! i have been affected mentally and how easy people do make it sound like it is nothing and i be able to go through them easily. It has become a phobia to walk uphills and mountains and just people talking about it, send shivers down my spines and images of ACE fills my mind.

for the past weeks since i passed into the college after phase 1, i had to help out on a helicopter carrier, the largest carrier in the royal navy. den was moved to a aircraft carrier but still, not much of an interest to me cos ACE was still on my mind. i could not sleep on ships due to extreme nightmares. I lost my interest in reading, lost interest in many stuffs simply cos i am too affected by the nightmares.

Though i watched movies and did some shopping, usual depression relievers for me, they did not work this time! sigh! i dun always wanna sound negative, but even hard as i tried, i cant stop it. Everytime i lay in bed, thoughts of ACE would come and i would huddle in a corner, cover myself up with a blanket and almsot cry. These been going on the past weeks! sigh!

depressing updates, but cant help it!

-ciaoz-