Saturday, April 29, 2006
Well, it has been close to 3 weeks since I am back! Things has been hectic especially after reporting to squadron! Oh well, the first day that i reported to squadron required me to sailed for a week doing surveys! Sigh! Am tired. There is so much to learn before my first assessment which would qualify me to be an Officer of the Day and Duty Trot Officer!
It has also been an expensive experience, bring out wardroom fees and ships dinner money from my wallet! Not forgetting whilst on duty, having to buy dinner for those on duty with me. Sigh! Money was not a major issue i guess. Need to take driving license and hopefully to buy a car!
But.....
I got news that I have not been accepted into local uni! WTH! I am damn sad! This affected my plans! So now, should i be considering going to Australia to study or should i not? I do not know what to do!!!! ;(
-ciaoz-
fallen @ 11:25 PM
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
It is still weird that I am at home. I really feel uneasy. I might have lived apart alone for too long, and everything seemed to have changed. Probably it was my mind that has changed. Its only the second day, and I am still having such thoughts. Aint good! Sigh! Anyway, i cancelled 2 days of my leave, aint sure if it is a good thing or it aint. I guess going back to work is always good. Oh well!
-ciaoz-
fallen @ 1:30 AM
Monday, April 10, 2006
Everything is in a whirl now. It just feels so weird to be back in Singapore. I cannot seem to fit in into anywhere. Its just weird. When I was in the UK, i never seemed to have fit into there. Probably! Even when I am back home in Singapore, having been away for a year or probably half; everything seems more and more different. It seems that I have to start from scratch again to get things going, and it is just weird!
Friendship, probably was affected. The closest of frens when I was here, just seem to be a completely different person. Or probably it was me. Even though I would have called home when I was in UK, hearing their problems and all, things just seemed all the more different. The problems that surfaced is more different then whilst on the phone. You can feel the drift deepening, but somehow, they still try to make it non existent. It is not helping. I just feel it is hard to not see the drift. You cannot be there for them to cry on, even though you were once really really good friends. Probably, as I mentioned before, time to move on. Oh well!
All I wanna do now, is to carry on my life. I dun mind a quiet life, with lil partying, lil drinking! I just want to be able to finish my degree and work hard to obtain what I want! I wanna buy a car, one without anyone's help! That is the major goal for me now! I am gonna start to save money, get a car, and to do well in my career. Being 21, I have not much time left to waste! Its time to move on and be an adult! I aint gonna be thinking too much about things! Oh well, cest la vie!
-ciaoz-
fallen @ 2:25 AM
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
I AM EXTREMELY UNHAPPY! Yes, probably I should be happy that I am going home soon, but I guess it is just me! I am not unhappy because I am leaving the college, but rather, I am unhappy because of myself. I just find it so unfair! Yes, many would say, life is never fair, learn to live with it! I cant, because I noe I have tried so hard, tried so hard to be the best! Yes, this is not right, always wanting to be the best is wrong. This leaves unnecessary pressure and just causes things to fall downhill!
But how am I inferior? It is just unfair I am given something not not given some others! The smug look still loathes me! yes, I have learnt to live with it, attempting to strive in many other ways, but I still failed. I failed miserably! I failed and disappointed myself in what I wanna achieve. Yes, if probably I had been given the appointment, the one who is always extremely happy would probably be me, but why cant it be me? I would probably be the walking walking up the stage!
LT MCCOY said, "some people are given appointments because they need to be tried, but you should be happy. You have proven yourself more then worthy. If anything, you would be close, very close!" This is bullshit! Everything that I have done, has gone unappreciated! I hate this! Not that i always wanna be appreciated, but this has probably been a waste of 1 year of my life! I am turning 22, why do I still lose out?
That said, I wished I had rejected the offer to be here! Everyone just goes, "Blah blah blah would be a good Officer and all the blah blah blah!" I hate this! I guess I have been very insignificant! Tears just cant stop rolling down my eyes! I just dun feel like being part of the parade tomorrow! So what I have been rehearsing so much? Nothing else matters! I dun care for all the marlarkey!
-ciaoz-
fallen @ 9:07 PM
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Few more days to go before I arrive home. Well, too lazy to update photos. Anyway, here is my final report from the College:
"Charismatic and determined, NG has developed into a very capable and mature Young Officer. he has learnt much throughout his training period and has shown that he is able to learn from experience, implement staff advice and deliver a rounded performance across the board. As a Co-ordinating Assistant Divisional Officer to New Entry ghe has shown that he sets and maintains a mature and professional approach which has drawn praise from Staff and students alike. He has a naturally forthright yet endearing leadership style which has developed throughtout his appointment as CADO and has cilminated in him demonstrating a caring and effective approach earning the respect of his subordinates. He sets and maintains high standards professionally and academically and has achieved some very credible results. In particular during 2OOW and Maritime Leadership Assessments, he scored very highly indeed. He embarked on OCEAN and ILLUSTRIOUS throughout Trafalgar 200 celebrations and should be proud of his contributions towards this high profile commitment. He needs to reflect on his achievements thus far and understand that he has significant potential, as he does on occasion show signs of nerves and self doubt that are at odds with his aptitude and ability.
NG has performed to a high standard at BRNC and has undoubtedly learnt much from all of his experiences. He is highly respected and has demonstrated that he is a most effective communicator and orator. His progress is has been significant and if he continuers to develop at this pace, he has the potential to become a most satisfactory Naval Officer."
Second Reporting Officer's Assessment:
"NG has set high standards, is highly motivated and leads by example. Cheerful and enthusiastic he has thoroughly enjoyed his experience in BRNC, in doing so he has actedd as a role model for New Entry and in doing so, is to be commended. NG has performed to a high standard across the board and has shown that he is an ambassador for his country."
Wooo....... I Think it is a pretty cool report! More pics coming soon from my trips and stuffs!
-ciaoz-
fallen @ 2:04 AM
