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September 2010

One week sailing! More conflicts and being more annoyed with some people! Geez... Dun understand how some useless ppl can be in the Navy! GROSS! Am dead tired now! Though am on land, everything still seems to be swaying! Yawnz....

-ciaoz-

People say that in life, with various setbacks and occurance, it may change one's life. But definition of setbacks and occurance is a subjective topic. But definitely, the proverb, "Failure is the mother of success" is an apt explanation. Though setbacks is subjective, when a person faces a setback, it would be a form of failure, thus making true the proverb.

I must say that it is by no means has the various setbacks and occurances in life changed me. Being a delinquent in the past, having made my mum cry and worry consistently for me, her death in 2003 has brought about a drastic change in me. Being one who only thinks about the present and not putting enought thoughts into the past, I have become a person who thinks far ahead. This may probably be brought about by my current job.

Having loved being in the limelight, I have always aspired to be in the Mass Communication industry! Only to realise, my forte does not include just being eloquent (as said by many, aint a self praise), but has been shared equally in the creatives department. From basic graphic design for print media, to fashion cheorography, grooming, styling and make up. From the print media, my creativity never ceased to progress into writings and designing for the web, and further enhanced through a keen interest in a living canvass; the face of humans. Bundled with various emotions and features, it takes great skills to bring out the beauty of one.

This interest however, seemed to be a hermit. With no indulgence of these interest since being enlisted for national service, the skills seems to be lost in the unknown sub-conscienceness. Till the founding of interest in the sea, which spurred me on into the Navy. Striving in everything I did to obtain good military standing, saw me through to doing my Midshipman course in Dartmouth and finally returning to Singapore to obtain my Certificate of Competency in a month. Though extremely disappointed that I am unable to proceed on for my Nav course due to my studies commitment in the coming year, I am glad that at least I have done my best.

The maturity level in me, has seem to progress from one being a childish boy to one who thinks alot for the future. However, that said, this extreme change has caused inconvenience. Even for myself, when I take a step back and observe, the new person just does not seem to be me! Having gone through so much, from an extremely extroverted person, I have learnt to enjoy the joys of being alone, making use of my own time to enjoy this lil loneliness that I have long craved. It aint healthy, but its healthy in many other ways.

Another day passed today, with some reflections of my own life, and thinking of others who have once been a part of my life. As I attempt to share my life with someone else, I realise it is impossible. Though I have tried hard, I guess, it takes 2 hands to clap. I think I should take a step back again, instead of being seem so insistent and annoying! A decision that I now regret for not studying in July but in February. But this decision has now been made, I shall just make good use of wadeva time I have.

-ciaoz-

Perplexed emotions endured;
One of love, hate, misery
Of ancient fables it trails
An enactment to be unbelieved

Hasty emotions have I been rebuked
By too many comrades in life
Of some that are acquainted
Others haved lived in it

Some says its ignorance
Some says its warranted
But blind are emotions
Of one that leads to destruction

I realise I have been doing ridiculous things. I kinda give up! Its a complete re-enactment of what has happened a year and half back! I cant believe this! Cant be bothered anymore! More ICE CREAM! more cigarettes! Cant be bothered about anything at the moment! No more motivation, no more determination! This is wrong! I gather this week whilst being on leave, would be a good time to get away from everything! I am so tired! Probably I should just go away for a while, it has been a while since i sat alone in the breeze and by a coffee house near the waters! I have not shed tears for a while, but why NOW? :'( :'( :'(

-ciaoz-

An apt interpreatation from the Book of Revelation featured in The Omen. It is scary to actually realise that somehow the director has managed to find occurances in the world that actually relates closely to the chapters of Revelation. But definitely, the belief of an armagadden occuring is close to minut. The omen is definitely a show that is prolly worth watching only if one's faith is as vunerable as a crepe paper.

A question was brought up to me today, as to whether I believe in God's Creation or an evolution; pertaining to the creation of the world. It would depend completely on one's faith and logical reactions. To those whose faith is placed on the Almighty, trusting in the writings of the bible is as believing an Intellectually Gifted personnel. Not forgetting that though some may say that the figures and representations are close to impossible to be endured by an ordinary human, it is not completely true. The bible has been translated from an ancient language of prolly latin and greek, into modern day english. Writings in the past has been a colourful language to some, therefore, probably causing the translation to be exagerated. Nonetheless, the fault of the author.

However, there are some who argues as well that the bible contains representations. Different events are represented differently as to what the author believes. To some, the creation of earth in 7 days is impossible, however, we have to understand that it is a representation of sequence that the author wrote to describe the process and timeline created by God. Many of the events that has occured within the bible, be it number of days, or number of animals, or number of anything, may have been exagerated but probably not accounted for, therefore, leading to the believe of some scholars that these numbers and etc are just representation and may not necessarily mean that such an actual event has occured i.e. the number of days.

However, some do not believe in God's creation, which I personally feel, that famous scientist such as Newton, who in his study and pursuit of science, gave up one fine day, acknowledging the presence of a higher being, that has created a world of wonders. Yes, though a person's words do not represent everyone else's, however, it is afterall, a school of thought.

Do note that these are my personal beliefs and are in no way associated with any other people's believes and comments or against the faith or religion of others. Just a food for thought for myself.

-ciaoz-

I have done it again! Indulging in emotions that are ridiculous. It is a bitter sweet feeling, that has sunk a heavily laden heart. The treachary of unsaid words, presented actions so obvious, however, left another another oblivious! Sigh, such is the strings of relationships.

Being on leave today, it is again another day filled with laziness, a day of catching up, and a harsh reflection of my own thoughts. This world of emotions left a labyrinth of confused signals in me and I shall endeavour to sort them out!

-ciaoz-

Yet again another phase of my life has arrived, leaving me hanging in the middle of an untangible emotion. Having yearned so much for the navigation course, it was an emotional shatter when I was informed that I no longer have to partake in the Pre Assessment test, simply because I would not be going for the course.

What irks me completely aint my incompetency, but the belief that it is selfish of me if I join the course as I am disallowing another person to proceed on. Especially so if I decide to pursue my studies. This is so annoying! Why is the organisation denying me the chance to progress when I am extremely interested to learn? There are others who are not interested to learn but wanna attend the course on the pretext of just fulfilling the basics just so as to proceed on performing their shore job! THIS IS SO UNFAIR!

But other wise, I have decided that it is just fate! Am tired of always fighting for what I wanna achieve. But that said, I received my acceptance letter from University of Queensland. I would be graduating in 2 years time with a Bachelor of Communication! Yay! However, I am left with a harsh decision to decide if I should request to study earlier this coming July, or study in Feb Next year as applied. Sigh! I cant decide!

A day filled with an emotional unbalanced mood, brings me once again in a bad after taste, leaving me puffing away on a cigarette! Grrr..... To think I have been trying to quit, all my hard work! :(

-ciaoz-

Have been really tired of late. Well, I still do not know if I am going for the nav cos, however, we have been activated for joint exercise in malaysia. Well, apparently even though I do not noe if I am going for the Nav cos, I am still not sailing. Cos I have to take the pre-nav test first. Sigh! This is pretty sad la! I wanna sail with my guys! I enjoy their company. However, with the presence of a Senior Officer, probably I wont behave as I am now. Anyway, here are some pictures of that I took whilst at Toh's wedding! Well, I am too lazy to start editing and compiling the photos into a collage as I used to. So, this time, I would put lesser pics, with me looking alot larger and fatter, and definitely unedited! So here goes


Me and PUNGGOL Attached Officers (AOs)


With the Officers and some of our guys


Definitely with the guys


Me with Bern (new found good fren)

-ciaoz-