May 2005
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November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
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April 2006
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September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
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April 2007
May 2007
September 2007
March 2008
December 2008
September 2010

Whenever I day dream,
and day dream I do,
in my secret garden,
I day dream of you.

I day dream of you,
in a faraway land;
embracing me tight
and holding my hand.

Holding my hand,
and touching my face.
Just you and me,
in this peaceful place.

In this peaceful place
a pristine river flows.
Where the unicorns run,
a breeze always blows.

A breeze always blows
and sings of a song;
our love in a place
where you're never gone.

Where you're never gone
is as it would seem,
from dusk until dawn,
whenever I day dream.

And whenever I day dream,
and day dream I do,
in my secret garden,
I day dream of you.

-ciaoz-

Well, I have been doing lotsa thinking. Practically, thinking about everything that has been happening to me, or has happened to me before. Well, before that, its mother's day today, and yea, I miss my mum alot. I guess she is happy up there in heaven now. Yea, to my godma, happy mother's day as well! ;)

You noe when you are like 20, and deciding if you should sign on with the military and probably be bonded with them for the rest of your life, that seemed to be one of the most important decisions in your life? Or maybe to others, like finishing your O levels and deciding where and what to study? Or maybe its like me now, who has always been sure about my life, what I want to do and how my future is planned out; but completely shocked at the way things are turning out or would turn out.

One big major question that I have been asking myself, do i really wanna commit myself to the Navy? Can i really survive just being in the Navy? Or rather, is there anything else that I really wanna do? Well, yes, i used to be so interested in advertising, designing, public relations, writing and all the jazz, but somehow, i have lost interest in doing it. And then I started getting interested in modelling and the fashion industry. Learned make up started to enjoy it for a while, but am not interested in it now as well.

Used to wanna marry and adopt a kid, but am like not interested now. It seems like I have lost interest in many things. Being in UK for a year, it has changed the way I perceive things to be, in ways that I never would have thought before. Started thinking about old age, the way i would be when I am old. Was just speaking to a mate today back in Singapore about it, and he said that I am thinking too much. But can it not bother you? I am turning 22 this year, every single day that passes, I am a step closer to death. It is like so scary. Having been here, I suddenly have lost every motivation in life. It is like a year long vacation for me, and I am still unwilling to return to reality of going back and starting work with the navy.

But have anyone not wondered what is gonna happen to them in the future and start planning for it? I do not wanna grow old and move on into an old age home. I do not want to be suffering and being abandoned! But neither do I wanna die young, cos i have not seen enuff of the world. I do not wanna work, but always enjoy having money going into my bank account and travelling lots. It is like just kinda depressing when you start thinking about such things. But how can one not start thinking about these things?

Am I really thinking too much?

-ciaoz-

Oops, I did stuffs that I aint suppose to do in the college again! This is so wrong! Hope word dun get around!!!!! ::worried::

-ciaoz-

"Confident and enthusiastic, NG performed well throughout MARL to achieve a strong pass in both Team and Professional skills and narrowly missed a strong overall.

As Commanding officer, he gave a sound performance although he could have made better use of the assest available to him. When a helo became available, he quickly adapted his plan to uinclude assistance although hge could have made better use of its range and speed by sending it to the furthest area and altering his plan to conduct the closer area on completion. His main brief was delivered in a clear and confident voice and he had clearly thought through the various COAs. He maintained a good command position at all times and this ensured he maintained firm control of the crew at all times checking the crews understanding as required. His firm control slipped at one point when he let the sea boat go further than 5 cables from HMS CAMBRIDGE. But when he identifief the shortfall, he quickly manouevred to maintain the correct distance. Although he had thought through the various timings he need to be more aware of the critical mile stones in his plan to ensure his task is successfully completely, on this occasion the use of the air asset significantly cut the time required to complete the task but he may not be so fortunate in the future. When confronted with a member of the press, he again took firm control and ensure that HMS CAMBRIDGE presented a positive image to assist in maintaining good relations with the local population.

When detailed to act as OOW, he handle the vessel satisfactorily although he needs to take account of the effects of the sea boat when manouevring. His navigation skills were clearly evident as was his planning anbd preparation for the task. He displayed confidence throughout and ensured the vessel was safe at all times.

As a team member, he remained enthusiastic at all times and clearly enjoyed the exercise.

In summary, NG performed well throughout MARL and remained enthusiastic at all times. He narrowly missed a stropng overall but clearly has the potential to perform to a high standard in his future career."

This was my report! I am so excited and happy. I am going home! yay!

-ciaoz-

i am back from marl. it was not as difficult as i thought it to be! It was pretty much good fun, resuts unknown though, but am sure it would be a pass. really tired now. shall go to bed again!

-ciaoz-

Another 3 days before i begin on my MARL exercise! I am so worried! I duno how prepared i am! Well, i duno! just scared, really exhausted, erm, forlorn? Yea, haven seen my crush much, kinda weird! Even when i see my crush, i cant seem to bring myself to talk much! just smile and say hi? It is so weird, like cant talk much anymore! Especailly these couple of days, where I am really tired and stressed up, just cant bring myself to talk about it! And not even a word of good luck! Oh well!

I been dreaming alot about my crush as well, it aint a good sign! I dun wanna this to continue! It is an unrequited love! I have gone through enough, but when such things comes, they usually just arrive without you knowing it and you just fall straight through it! Oh well! such is life!

Favourite cadet aint such a favourite cadet anymore! Haha, he is still as cheeky as ever, but i guess, everyone has moved on! Time for me to move on as well! Was doing rounds today, and i passed by loads of their cabins, and everyone is just as rowdy! Haven had rounds this rowdy for a while! Kinda missed their divisional rounds that I conduct! Haha! Met more cheeky guys this phase, guys that i was never in charged of! Kinda nice as well, but i still prefer the last division I had! ;) Oh well

-ciaoz-

Its snowing! Its cold and miserable! Well, these couple of days i been smiling alot! smiling so much that ppl been asking me why do i smile so much! Well, simple reason, to psyche myself up for MARL! What really pissed me off today is the affiliate DO. Well, i am an ADO again this phase, but for the Phase 2 guys, newbies which have completed their first phase of training and to prepare them for going out to sea! Well, yea, there was suppose to be a Divisional Officer's period (DOP) which was during lunch time! That was fine, cos i do not take that long to finish lunch anyway! So well, we had a Bridge Trainer Assesment which would determine if we have the skills to be an Officer of the Watch (OOW) when we are out at sea onboard.

Well, it is an exam and this definitely needs lotsa prior preparation. So lunch was dedicated to preparing for bridge assessment, and i totally forgot to tell her. This was because the whole morning program was packed! Packed with Exam, Physical Training and Sword Drill! So like I could remember to tell her about it! Yea, probably I should have remembered it! But that is fine! So she apparently says she is not impressed or happy about it! FINE!

But prior to this, I knew her whilst I was on a ship! She was the deputy logistics officer, and there was this one night that I thought i need her help on some writing. So i went up to her cabin at about half nine in the night! Look, she is an Officer onboard and I knocked on her door and she said "come in". So i went in, and she asked me what was the matter! So i told her and as i did, i closed the door! Right, so she said I should not close the door! Right so should not the matter rest there and then! Cos i only tot it was polite to close the door! But apparently, she was not that open minded, so fine! But the next day, she told everyone onboard the ship about it! That is so unethical! Right, I can forget about it, but guess what, she is posted to the college and now, she is telling everyone in the college about it as well. cadets or officers! Is this ethical? Is she not defaming me because of a simple mistake?

And when she met me and realised i was working for her, she was talking about the incident and laughing it off! Is this not a personal grudge! one comment that is completely wrong "ya, i wish I do not have to see you that often!" when i told her i was on exercise next week. So is this not a personal grudge! This is completely wrong! So its fine, so today for not attending her DOP, i was asked to write "reasons in writing", which is simply giving your reasons in a formal letter! Well, all reasons in writing is typed out, excludiong the new cadets, which I changed the rule last phase! And she went "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU REASONS IN WRITING? WHY DID YOU TYPE THIS OUT?" Hello, every Officer in the college who issues reasons in writing as as particular as her! If I typed it out and there are many mistakes, yes, i am at fault, but there was no formate mistakes or grammatical mistakes! This is so uncalled for!

Overall, i feel this is a personal grudge against me and i am totally unhappy about it! I am gonna bring this up to someone higher, and if they agree with her action, den I would have nothing to say about it! I admit I am in the wrong, but I believe her hostility towards me is based on a personal grudge!

-ciaoz-